Build Your Team

In high-conflict divorce, the legal system can become an extension of the fight. 

You can expect:

• Constant disputes

• Refusal to negotiate or compromise on settlement and custody agreements

• Extreme blame

• Emotional volatility

• Threatening behavior

• Manipulation and control

• Protracted (and expensive) litigation

• False allegations

• Children being used as pawns

There will be attempts to destroy you financially and emotionally.

If your ex has funds, it is likely your high conflict divorce will take years and may cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for you individually.

It's worth your while to choose a team of trusted professionals to guide and support you through this process. Basically, you can pay now for excellent representation and guidance or pay later with problematic court orders or settlement agreements.

Attorney

A skilled attorney with experience dealing with high conflict individuals is ideal. Take your time in choosing an attorney. Interview more than one, and make sure they can represent you well in a high conflict divorce.

Good attorneys will cost you $250-500 per hour or more, and beyond individual meetings with you that fee is the same for drafting letters, memos, motions and petitions filed with the court, case research, time spent in court hearings (including time sitting in court waiting for your case to be called), phone calls, e-mails, etc. See link below to get an idea of potential costs.

Your attorney should be able to guide you to make solid decisions on reasonable settlement agreements, whether mediation is possible or helpful, an idea of how to deal with opposing attorney, and knowledge of the local judges.

Note: Do not use your attorney as a therapist or financial advisor! Those professionals cost less per hour and have specialized knowledge.

Therapist

You'll want to find a therapist who is trauma-informed and understands narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, coercive control, and post separation abuse.

Your therapist is there to support you in getting through the emotional impact the varied forms of abuse you are experiencing. You may be able to utilize a domestic violence counselor through free local service.

Note: Your therapist should not be the same person as your children's therapist.

High Conflict Divorce Coach

A trained high conflict divorce coach (HCDC) can serve as a strategy partner to assist in navigating the unique challenges of a high conflict divorce.

The HCDC is not a life coach nor a "regular" divorce coach, but is specifically trained to work with issues involving a high conflict divorce, including co-parenting challenges, documentation, and communication with both your ex and your attorney. 

The HDCD also provides motivational support and emotional encouragement.

Note: Your HCDC is neither a legal expert nor a therapist.

Financial Advisor

It may be helpful to consult with a financial advisor who specializes in helping women in sorting out finances during divorce.

Note: Your financial advisor doesn't have to do any investment or account management for you.