Domestic Violence

If you are not being physically abused, you may discount what you are experiencing as not rising to the level of domestic violence. Today we recognize that abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or even technological. 

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner, including any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone. 

We also use the term "coercive control" to describe this abuse.

This information comes from the Office on Violence Against Women

Physical Abuse

Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc. are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual Abuse

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse

Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic Abuse

Controlling or restraining a person’s ability to acquire, use, or maintain economic resources to which they are entitled. This includes using coercion, fraud, or manipulation to restrict a person’s access to money, assets, credit, or financial information; unfairly using a person’s personal economic resources, including money, assets, and credit, or exerting undue influence over a person’s financial and economic behavior or decisions, including forcing default on joint or other financial obligations, exploiting powers of attorney, guardianship, or conservatorship, or failing or neglecting to act in the best interests of a person to whom one has a fiduciary duty.

Psychological Abuse

Elements of psychological abuse include – but are not limited to – causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Technological Abuse

An act or pattern of behavior that is intended to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, impersonate, exploit, extort, or monitor another person that occurs using any form of technology, including but not limited to: internet enabled devices, online spaces and platforms, computers, mobile devices, cameras and imaging programs, apps, location tracking devices, or communication technologies, or any other emerging technologies.

Coercive control

Coercive control is a pattern of acts and behaviors that an abuser uses to take away your freedom and to control your life. The abuser may use fear, pressure, shame, or rules to wear you down and take over your choices. Sometimes, the abuser may also use physical violence, sexual abuse, or other forms of domestic violence as part of coercive control.   

Some examples of coercive control are when the abuser:

• tracks or monitors you, which could be through the use of technology;

• controls your money, puts you on an allowance, or uses other forms of financial abuse;

• makes you depend on him/her for things you need like food, money, and housing;

• tells you what you can or can’t wear, or how you can or cannot style your hair and makeup;

• makes rules you have to follow;

• expects you to “check in” and report to him/her;

• controls your reproductive choices;

• keeps you away from your family and friends;

• threatens to harm or kill you or people you care about;

• threatens to share your private information publicly or to share intimate images of you without your consent;

• destroys your property;

• purposely upsets you or tries to make you lose your temper;

• calls you names and talks down to you; or

• pressures you to do things you don’t want to do or that feel unsafe.

These actions are about gaining power, not about showing love or concern. Even if the abuser is not using physical or sexual abuse as part of the pattern of coercive control, it is still a serious form of abuse.